a puzzle solved

It is understandable for me to sleep around with men when you know the facts. I was raised in many ways, to be a strong confident woman, able to hold her own in situations where pressure is present. I am able to create a safety net for myself through the power of wit, also i am almost an expert at playing the chameleon as in i can adapt to charm anyone in any situation. However in some ways i was brought up by a controlling parent who threatened, and mentally abused us, recently i became an adult and i realise i am still being emotionally blackmailed. This provided insecurities from an early onset, which mounted to an entire closet of self worthlessness as i progressed through boyfriends, to gain some sort of ego i would sleep with other men inbetween, and as the achievement wore off and the shame grew i sunk my teeth into more and more men, challenging myself. Finally I have settled down but i know any moment i could slip up, after all a childhood of low self esteem usually entails years of outburst from repression. Why i believed luring a man into bed was a challenge i do not know, because as is human, men do not know the meaning of the word challenge, especially when it comes to sex